Because You Asked...

I'm going to relieve a little suspense from your lives, and address some queries that have come up as of late. Seeing as my previous answers were not valid to your interests, I'm going to have to come up with some better, more in-depth explanations of what's going on with me at the moment.

1.) Yes. I take steroids. My dream is to become a big, burly she-man, troll about the gym in nothing but a speedo (it wouldn't matter anyway, seeing as my pectorals would occupy the space of what used to be my boobs) and steal your heart away with my deep, raspy voice.

2.) I eat 50,000 calories every day. This is why you see me eating every 2-3 hours. Boosting my metabolism? No. I just want to get as big as humanly possible.

3.) I walk around with my lats perma-flared. Someday I'm hoping they'll turn into wings, and will save me from imminent death when the apocalypse comes.

4.) My shoulders grew overnight. And I flex them, all day long, because I think it makes me look ferocious.

5.) I don't eat junk food because if I'm afraid if I do it'll make me skinny.

6.) Every night before I go to bed, I take some more steroids. This way, when I wake up in the morning, I have a fully-visible set of luscious abdominals. Who works for their muscles these days? Certainly not me!

7.) I take a magical "fitness pill". It does most of the work for me. They sell it on Amazon somewhere.

8.) Figure competition? What? You mean BODYBUILDING! Afterall, with all these weights I'm bound to get HUGE.


If you still don't believe me, here's a picture of my IDEAL physique (for those who were curious):

But then, of course, one can only dream of being this sexy.